Same-Sex Marriage. Vote NO on Prop 8!

I am 22 years old virgin who has never even kissed someone. I am mostly straight. I do not intend to marry because I think men are too immature and women are too emotional, but I do intend to have children.

Marriage existed way before religion did- it was about commitment and love. You can have children out of wedlock- its very common. Marriage has not been about bringing children into the world for a very long time.
Gay people can be parents too. I think if a home is built on love, it shouldn't matter whether the parents are of opposite genders or not. There are hundreds of thousands of orphans who live less than par lives. Even children who have parents but live shitty lives- A most of the time a family, yes, even a gay one, can provide a stable home for these children to grow up in - have luxuries they would not be afforded otherwise and most importantly BE LOVED!


How does someone else's marriage affect yours? Does them being married prevent you from making babies with your wife? Does it force you to have to live in different rooms? Does it make you and your wife file for divorce? No. It has no bearing on anybody else's marriage.

And No, civil unions do NOT have the same privileges and benefits that legal marriages do.

I think that anybody should be allowed to marry the person they love. Whether a church lets them do it, is the church's decision, but legally, I think anybody should have the right to marry and raise children. If your church decides not to let gay people marry then fine- but how does it matter if legally they can be married?

I think it is FOR our generation that we needed to vote NO on Prop 8!

If you live your life by God's word- live it- don't fester in hatred and start deviating from the path that God has set out for human-kind to follow. Live your life sin free- stop looking for a cause to fight against and a group of people to hate- that was never what God intended.

This is the same fight we had for inter-racial marriage. "It is unholy and ungodly!" Do not assume God's mind and thoughts- when judgment day comes we will all be in the balance and out sins will receive the punishment they deserve. Who are we to judge others for their sins when we commit sin everyday.

Gay people are not killing anyone by being married. They are not stealing something by being married. They are making a commitment to one another- it shows that promiscuity is not a part of their lives- how is that a bad thing? I think people are scared of is that same-sex marriages could be more stable than heterosexual marriages. I think it scares people that the idea they had of gay people being vulgar, promiscuous and perverted is being overturned to show that they are loving, caring people capable of making a life long commitment to the person they love.

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Broken

Sometimes, a part of me, the angry part of me wishes that he destroy himself in the fire that he lit for himself.

But then, there's a bigger part of me, the part of me that loves him and cares about him that makes me hate myself for thinking something so horrible..

It hurts, and there is nothing I can do to fix it because he is wrapped around little fingers that play him like a puppet, just as they have played many before him and along with him, since he is not the only puppet on the strings those fingers hold.

And for a long while, the part of me that is broken irreparably, the part of me that cries when it is around him, the part of me that is oh-so-very angry and the part of me that knows he doesn't care wished that the two of them would just get together and  destroy each other with such vengeful passion, it scares me- because I believe that is the only outcome for them.

I am hurt, I've made that abundantly clear.

Why is it so easy for people to take me for granted? I'm the friend everyone goes to when all their friends have turned their backs on them. But that's okay, its the story of my life. I wish it wasn't but it is. I'm the back up. The one that doesn't matter. And in the grand scheme of things I don't, but just for once I wish I did. I wish I was the one they came to when things got bad. The one they were excited to share their happiness with and comfortable enough to share their sorrows with. But I'm not. And I suppose that will just have to be okay.

Give him a chance, they say- I have. But yet he has time for the whole world but no time to take the steps to mend this broken friendship. I rescind any right he once had to worry about me- because it is blatantly clear that he doesn't. I'm done with the lies. His words are hollow and his promises count for nothing but more pain. Why must he inflict me with this pain? Was it something I did or said? Was the fact that I cared, so fucking horrifying?

He's going through a lot, they say. Aren't we all? But I only have two months. to fix this. So tell me if I'm wasting my time. Don't take his side. And I don't care if you laugh at my pain. Just tell me that you don't want to try and I will push away. Just stop leaving me hanging. Stop leaving me hopeful and then crushing it with your callousness. Because I'm giving up on hope and I can't do that. I can't afford to do that.
 I CURSE THEE. I CURSE THEE with the pain that I feel because I can barely contain it. Barely hold it together, and the only reason I can is because I know that in a little while longer I will be so far away that it won't matter. That you won't matter anymore.

And that maybe, just maybe, I can start a new life. One without the residual pain of this past.

Why are you doing this?

He's acting so weird.

He's hugging me, rubbing my arm and back in comfort. Before he'd cringe. He'd have died before he touched someone in comfort or let them comfort him.

I don't recognize him.

He asks me if he should change his plans because I asked him if he wanted to do something in the spur of the moment. When I said that it didn't matter, he gave me an alternative option. While not new a new trait, the extent to which he is going is new!

I don't recognize him.

He asked me to go on a walk with him. He NEVER wanted to go on a walk with me before. I'd asked him so many times!


Who is this person?


I don't want you to do me any favors. I don't want you to try to make it better because I'm leaving. I don't need that. I don't need you to be someone you're not. Not for me. I've wished you were different. But I've NEVER tried to change you. Not for me.

It hurts. So much worse than all those other lies.

Is it because He's been telling you what I've been telling him? Because I've been telling him how I'm hurting because of you. Is that why you're acting this way? Being this person I barely recognize?

Is it because you know I've been thinking so much about cutting you out of my life? Is that why?

Or is this just your way of saying goodbye before you cut me out of your life?

But in any case. Talk to me. Because more than all this bullshit touch-happy you, I want to know why. I want the real you. Because that is my best friend.

Starry Skies and Cold Night Air

How can it all fall in place,
When the pieces have
Shattered apart,
Lost in the cracks of a broken humanity?

Each day that we live is a lie,
Each moment too good to be true
We take what we get
and try to move on to a better life.

Thoughts scatter like mice
I'm running without direction
I'm searching for truth
At the price of Salvation

Who am I?
Who are you to tell me
that I'm not enough?
I am.

How can we hold it together?
When words cut like knife blades
Tearing you apart in ways
you never thought were possible?

How can we pick ourselves up?
When we've fallen so low
And been trodden on
So many times before?

Each day that we live is a lie,
Each moment too good to be true
We take what we get
and try to move on to a better life.

Friend Drama

So I've been angry at a few of my friends lately. They like to ignore problems. But that doesn't make me feel any less crappy. And I vent through my poetry, so here goes.

I don't like being lied to. I hate it. If you can't do something- say that. Don't give me bullshit excuses like "I'm too tired" or "I think I want to be alone right now" or even "I have so much stuff to do" and then go hang out with other people. If I know them- chances are I'll find out. And that hurts a lot more than "Oh, I think I want to hang out with so-and-so tonight"...

If you make a new friend- don't tell me that the reason you're friends with them and hang out with them are exact same things I've been telling you/trying to get you to do for months. Especially, when I never see you anymore. That really really really fucking hurt. And I don't even think you know that.

Don't tell me you can't make plans because you always cancel. Because that is bullshit and you know it. "Want to have lunch?" "I can't I usually eat with so-and-so on such-and-such days" ... didn't we make plans like those too? Nice to see that those don't matter to you. Fuck you too.

**************************************
So you’d rather be their friend
Don’t pretend to be mine
I don’t need false promises
Or the protection of a lie

Bullshit to “taking old friends for granted”
Bullshit on the “I’d take a bullet for you”
You say you worry about me,
But that’s just bullshit too.

“She needs a friend”? And I don’t?
Everyone I know is gone.
You were my one of my best friends
But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

You dropped me like a hot pan
As soon as there were others
Well, fuck you, Mr. I-have-no-time
I don’t need you either.

I’m stronger than I seem
I won’t break if I cry
I don’t need your misplace sympathy
Or the comfort of your lie

You weren’t there when I needed you
And you say you don’t need me at all
So why stay in this beatless tango
Of a friendship with no cause.

Because if you really gave a shit
You’d know I’d like to see it
I might not seem like the sentimental kind
But if you’d listened, you’d know better.

I refuse to let you bring me down
Or feel unloved-
Because I have me,
And that is more than enough.

Lost a friend...

How do I tell you that you're hurting me? That you make me feel insignificant. That when we talk I feel like I don't exist, and that after we're done, I'm in such emotional pain that I need to cry for hours on end?

How do I tell you... that I don't think we can fix it, that we can't go back to that. Not right now anyhow. Especially not when he's still around? Because when we're with him, its not just the way you make me feel when its just the two of us, but you humiliate me. In public. In front of his friends who don't know either of us. In front of his girlfriend. In front of my friends, who I can't put in the position of choosing between us. Even though they're graduating this semester and leaving me behind... She's my best friend- but I still don't want her to have to chose between us.  And because you're more assertive and pushy and loud and demanding, I will continue to have to hang out with you if I want to see her. Even though I feel like shite afterward.


Why is it that despite me having told you this, you still refuse to acknowledge how I feel- still refuse to accept that I feel a certain way without what I feel being "stupid" or "ridiculous"?

If you hurt me or humiliate me, why should I let you? Especially since the very thing you are humiliating me for is the very think you do repeatedly. "Why are you being nosy? Why do you need to know? You don't need to know! If I have plan with him/her and I want to include you, I will tell you! Stop being so nosy all the time. Nobody likes nosy people. My plans with him/her are my plans with them, why do you have to interfere, if I want you to know I will tell you." You yell at me from across the table when I innocently inquired what you were talking about and he tells me that you want to go to the dentist. And then you call me up two days after I tell you that we can't be friends demanding to know where I am and what I am doing and ask me if I want to have dinner with you. You tell people what I am doing as though my schedule is yours to decide. When did you become my datebook? Who gave you that fucking authority? And because I feel bad for being mean and saying "no", I call and tell you I can and you spend the entire time throwing a fit in the middle of the road because you banged your shoes into the pavement and the leather chaffed?

And then you ask me how in the hell I can fell insignificant?

I can't do it. I can't. I feel like my insides are being ripped to shreds.

I can't do it. We can not be friends. Why can't you understand that!?



This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Frozen with the shock of your cruelty as my heart is shattered into a billion pieces.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm not mad because he likes someone else. I didn't expect my feelings to be reciprocated. Heck, its the story of my life.

In fact, as crazy as it sounds, I'm ecstatic that he found someone he like and went after it.

A little bit of a warning would have been nice- especially since it was only the two of them and me there when he decided to pursue something with her. and he fucking knew how I felt about him.

So no. I'm not upset because he likes someone else. I'm upset because he decided to rip my heart right out of my chest, stamp on it repeatedly, flay it, set it on fire, and then try to put it back in place.

It was worse than the public humiliation in 11th Grade from the guy I was conditioning myself to like. AND the "I liked you in 6th grade" from the guy I was in love with for a decade and to whom I'd confessed my feeling for in the 6th grade.

How could he have been so cold-hearted and cruel? Even though he didn't owe me anything- he could have been a little more compassionate, right?

And the "oh, I'm glad you told me, I don't think it will be weird between us" was not even close to closure or rejection. It was vague and could have meant anything. Way to be precise and let me know how he really felt. He is an asshole.

But then... why does it still hurt?