Slugging Through

Endings are never easy... however many times it may happen... when there is no emotional connection it might seem easier, but saying good-bye is always difficult... knowing you might never meet again pinches even if it is just for a brief period of time... wishing you'd given people more chances... or even one chance... wishing you hadn't been the uptight bitch you portrayed yourself as outside the dorm... or wishing, just plain wishing you'd been yourself throughout... not a depressed misanthropist... it hurts so much knowing you'll never have a "chaddi-buddy", i.e, a close friend that you've known since you were a child... moving around sucks... and yet its the only thing that i'm good at.... going away is supposed to be easy, isn't it?... then why isn't it?

why do we slug our way through life... force ourselves to believe we're not as good as everyone else... or believe that we're better than everyone else... why can't we just be the plain-janes or simple-sallys?? pollyanna that annoying... okAy yes she was... but Jeez, do we have to hold it against her.... we should strive to be more optimisic... pessimism is so over-rated.... :P

Cheers to all slugging their way through life, like i am... best of luck and hope to see you in University!! :P

Giving Up

The incessant ramblings of a troubled mind that is fumbling in vain to hold onto the sanity that is threatening to break away… As I reach the end of the road and look back I realize how I’ve been fucked over by people I was meant to look up to… While I try hard to build up the broken pieces of my life around me… the cuts across my wrist represent the pain that had no face… the blood that’s on the bathroom floor around me is contaminated with the poison I injected into myself so that I could survive in this cruel world that is so filled with hate… the love inside me breaks me… over and over I fall… because I can love in the darkness that haunts me… in the echoing silence I hear my soul reverberating… the beating of my heart slowing down to a sluggish pace as I slump down on the cold hard tiles that remind me of my life… I feel clean as the blood spills out of my vein making rosy patterns in the water as it swivels its way towards the drain… the pain is numbing to a dull throb that seems to mask the underlying emotional turmoil that I am too adamant to give up on…

As I lie on the floor, my tear and kohl stained face hard and cold as ice… I refuse to give in to the pain… I fight myself as I fight everyone around me… I refuse to give up and yet inevitably that is all I do...