Tomorrow

It's tomorrow!It's tomorrow!It's tomorrow!

Not the incessant mummbling of a hyper five year old... but the sound of the bitter truth reverberating through my mind and soul... tomorrow is the day it begins- The Final WAR...

INNOCENCE- my innocence lost in time, I'm no longer innocent... fallen creature of the night that is sure to burn in the perpetual fires of hell... because that's what happens tomorrow... Hell Freezes Over... The earth, the desolute body of unending suffering becomes the walking ground of the rougish, unwelcome beings that threaten our very existence...

FAITH- my faith faded into the truth, or a horribly garbbled version of it... the fire is alll consuming, it licks, kisses, bites... burning my faith and innocence with its roaming, incinerating hands... the shocking realiy of it etched in my mind over and over and yet it's still to hit...

The final push against the threshhold of decency... pushes me higher and higher and all the while making me feel lowly, uncouth and unclean... i have nothing holding me to reality as fade into and out of insanity- my conscience flickering along with my hope...

My distant ray of hope fades as it begins... dark clouds rolling in the distance making ungodly sounds that painfully make me realise that i have nowhere to go, nowhere safe and protected like my life has always been...

I have to fight this War.... this war that will finally cut the umbilical cord between a mother and child... i have far too much at stake... and far too little to lose... I will be a ruthless murderer for the sake of both... and yet... inevitably i must lose... no matter what... no matter how... I have nowhere to go but down...



and then



IT HITS!!

Gonna Get Through This

I'm sure there have been times when you realise how low you really are... how unworthy, and incompetent you are... Like every other person it happens to me as well... most of the time i have my angel to help me through it... in one form or another... i may not be an angel to them, i'm hardly one to help people through their problems... but they help me get through it....

I know i can't do this... it's gonna kill me knowing that i can't but again an angel comes... he tells me he'll help me, but i don't want him to because it will be messing with his time to study....

Both can keep me calm when i've lost it... even though losing my cool isn't one of my personality traits...

As the stress of the upcoming exams increases and i realise how much i don't know... they keep me sane... in the insanity of it all, they keep me sane... holding me steady and guiding me through it... Painfully clear of what is and isn't makes things so much harder...

... je t'aime, mon ami, mon ange

... te quiero, mi amigo, mi ángel