Summer whispered, its soft seductive words taking me over in waves of joyful pleasure; its gentle hand held out for me to take, inviting and tempting. But now that I am here, I am desolate. I feel none of the pleasure that it had once promised- I feel nothing but emptiness. The words that had been whispered have long since evaporated in the sweltering heat leaving not even a trace of evidence that they had once existed. Partially sublimated happiness fills me as I sit stoical in an air conditioned room or car. One to the other is how my days pass. Going to places I have been before, doing things I've done countless times, my days and weeks are filled with monotony.
Monday- Sit at home and do nothing.
Tuesday- Sit at home and do nothing.
Wednesday- Sit at home and do nothing and then go for a business presentation in the evening.
Thursday- Sit at home and do nothing.
Friday- Training from afternoon to evening.
Saturday- Training till noon and then sit at home and do nothing.
Sunday- Sit at home do nothing.
Week after endless week goes this routine that dictates the pattern of the summer that I anxiously anticipated on those tiresome days at University when I craved for the gentle caress of my mothers hand on my brow when I felt ill, or the rabid incessant fighting sibling often participate in for no apparent reason.
I have met many a people who inspire nothing in me. Who don't necessarily treat me as a child, since experience has nothing to do with age; but treat me like a dog that is need of a thorough training. They pat my head and tell me what a wonderful daughter I am to my mother and proceed to share with me what they think my life should be like. I admit, I enjoy my business venture, the training sessions and the training itself. I went for a conference/training module for this to Malaysia and while there were countless sleepless nights, I enjoyed every moment of it. I learned and felt strongly. I wish to continue what I learn when I go back to university and try to broaden my social network.
After the conference we decided to tour Penang, Kuala Lumpur, Langkawi and visit Genting Highlands for 2 hours. I would have enjoyed the place if I had been alone, but being with my parents dampened my experience as I then had to experience it my fathers way, a.k.a. through the window of a taxi cab. I got to drink the sweetest coconut water and eat the best egg-indian-bread ever though, and for that I am forever grateful.
But ever since our return to my parents home, I have been pushed into this teeth-grinding routine that is slowly, but surely driving me insane. I often find myself staring into outer-space or laughing like a mad man without reason. I spend my days defending the legality and ethics of my company and trying to help people with their 'clarifications'. But don't get me wrong. I adore my company and business. I love it endlessly.
Oh and lest we forget, the wonderful world of Skypecasts, where I belt my heart out with emotional songs and no music while listening to tune-deaf people receive praise for their appalling singing. I've done it too and I've also received praise. But oh well, right? At least its something to do. Better than the awful void of nothingness that presides over my life. But god-damn it. Livejournal got blocked in the country I live in and as a result I can't go back to reading slash fanfiction that filled my days with endless wonder. Don't get me wrong... I love my life.
Its just the summer that I hate.
