Don't get me wrong.
I'm not mad because he likes someone else. I didn't expect my feelings to be reciprocated. Heck, its the story of my life.
In fact, as crazy as it sounds, I'm ecstatic that he found someone he like and went after it.
A little bit of a warning would have been nice- especially since it was only the two of them and me there when he decided to pursue something with her. and he fucking knew how I felt about him.
So no. I'm not upset because he likes someone else. I'm upset because he decided to rip my heart right out of my chest, stamp on it repeatedly, flay it, set it on fire, and then try to put it back in place.
It was worse than the public humiliation in 11th Grade from the guy I was conditioning myself to like. AND the "I liked you in 6th grade" from the guy I was in love with for a decade and to whom I'd confessed my feeling for in the 6th grade.
How could he have been so cold-hearted and cruel? Even though he didn't owe me anything- he could have been a little more compassionate, right?
And the "oh, I'm glad you told me, I don't think it will be weird between us" was not even close to closure or rejection. It was vague and could have meant anything. Way to be precise and let me know how he really felt. He is an asshole.
But then... why does it still hurt?
5 comments:
Its the cluelessness.
hey found ya-------!
painfully stoic -- very apt, ironical may be annoying??
hope u get ur heart back and glued-- soon
time is an antidote- full of crap
time is now?
Do I know you?? You say you found me as though you know me.
Painfully Stoic- It's the poet in me, really. I think I was talking to a friend about my being apathetic and I said that I was painfully stoic. I suppose thinking back I may have meant annoying but I don't really remember. But I may have also meant that it was hurtful.
I never said time was an antidote. I think things/feeling/intensities/reactions change as time goes on, but I don't think it "cures" anything. And as I said- I'm not hurt by the fact that he's with someone else. It was his process that hurt. And I am now over it.
I think my heart will ache till he's physically gone from my life- I don't think we'll be in touch once he's graduated- even though I hope we will. And maybe it will keep hurting till I fall in love with someone else- but either way, I know that eventually I will be alright. I am strong, proud and complete even alone.
the enchantress has turned stoic-
probably we do know each other as some online aquaintance- if ur still mahika
see ya till then, the memory lasts although may fade
No, I'm not Mahika. Never have been, never will be. I know her- but I am not her. Why did you assume I was her?
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