The lyrics to the song 'Boston' by Augustana send me on a nostalgic journey to the words of a poem I once wrote... it echoes the same desperate loneliness I felt, sending me along paths I fear to tread on...
I don't like being alone... and that I am very much what I despise being... lonely... its a realization that has been long coming. I wish I was different that things were; not what they are... but they are...
The realization that even though I've been here for two years now I don't have a single friend is slightly depressing... when I mean real friend, I mean the kind who tells you everything, relies on you and you can do the same with them... People who want to hang out with you, who try to make an effort to... recently my roommate's friend made me realize that I wasn't interesting enough, but I beg to differ... So what if I'm not good looking and am fat? I can hold my own. I can converse, argue, debate, rebut and I can rip you apart with my words. So what if I'm an introvert? Get to know me and you'll know how passionate I am about certain issues?
Is the world really as shallow as to deem only thin, good-looking people worth getting to know? If not, then why is it that the only criteria that makes a person "interesting"?
Am I too intense? Is it my intensity that scares people away... makes people quake in their boots and give up before trying? I don't know... My introversion and fear of judgment hold me back... not letting me express who I truly am and who I can be...
I need this to change.
1 comment:
people change for others all the time and yet, no one cares. you might change and then may be accepted by others but you'll hate yourself. i hate what I made of myself and now it's too late to go back. It's not worth it.. its really not worth changing just to fit in. it really isn't. before you change you at least have yourself, after you change you don't have even that..
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