How do I tell you... that I don't think we can fix it, that we can't go back to that. Not right now anyhow. Especially not when he's still around? Because when we're with him, its not just the way you make me feel when its just the two of us, but you humiliate me. In public. In front of his friends who don't know either of us. In front of his girlfriend. In front of my friends, who I can't put in the position of choosing between us. Even though they're graduating this semester and leaving me behind... She's my best friend- but I still don't want her to have to chose between us. And because you're more assertive and pushy and loud and demanding, I will continue to have to hang out with you if I want to see her. Even though I feel like shite afterward.
Why is it that despite me having told you this, you still refuse to acknowledge how I feel- still refuse to accept that I feel a certain way without what I feel being "stupid" or "ridiculous"?
If you hurt me or humiliate me, why should I let you? Especially since the very thing you are humiliating me for is the very think you do repeatedly. "Why are you being nosy? Why do you need to know? You don't need to know! If I have plan with him/her and I want to include you, I will tell you! Stop being so nosy all the time. Nobody likes nosy people. My plans with him/her are my plans with them, why do you have to interfere, if I want you to know I will tell you." You yell at me from across the table when I innocently inquired what you were talking about and he tells me that you want to go to the dentist. And then you call me up two days after I tell you that we can't be friends demanding to know where I am and what I am doing and ask me if I want to have dinner with you. You tell people what I am doing as though my schedule is yours to decide. When did you become my datebook? Who gave you that fucking authority? And because I feel bad for being mean and saying "no", I call and tell you I can and you spend the entire time throwing a fit in the middle of the road because you banged your shoes into the pavement and the leather chaffed?
And then you ask me how in the hell I can fell insignificant?
I can't do it. I can't. I feel like my insides are being ripped to shreds.
I can't do it. We can not be friends. Why can't you understand that!?
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