Starry Skies and Cold Night Air

How can it all fall in place,
When the pieces have
Shattered apart,
Lost in the cracks of a broken humanity?

Each day that we live is a lie,
Each moment too good to be true
We take what we get
and try to move on to a better life.

Thoughts scatter like mice
I'm running without direction
I'm searching for truth
At the price of Salvation

Who am I?
Who are you to tell me
that I'm not enough?
I am.

How can we hold it together?
When words cut like knife blades
Tearing you apart in ways
you never thought were possible?

How can we pick ourselves up?
When we've fallen so low
And been trodden on
So many times before?

Each day that we live is a lie,
Each moment too good to be true
We take what we get
and try to move on to a better life.

Friend Drama

So I've been angry at a few of my friends lately. They like to ignore problems. But that doesn't make me feel any less crappy. And I vent through my poetry, so here goes.

I don't like being lied to. I hate it. If you can't do something- say that. Don't give me bullshit excuses like "I'm too tired" or "I think I want to be alone right now" or even "I have so much stuff to do" and then go hang out with other people. If I know them- chances are I'll find out. And that hurts a lot more than "Oh, I think I want to hang out with so-and-so tonight"...

If you make a new friend- don't tell me that the reason you're friends with them and hang out with them are exact same things I've been telling you/trying to get you to do for months. Especially, when I never see you anymore. That really really really fucking hurt. And I don't even think you know that.

Don't tell me you can't make plans because you always cancel. Because that is bullshit and you know it. "Want to have lunch?" "I can't I usually eat with so-and-so on such-and-such days" ... didn't we make plans like those too? Nice to see that those don't matter to you. Fuck you too.

**************************************
So you’d rather be their friend
Don’t pretend to be mine
I don’t need false promises
Or the protection of a lie

Bullshit to “taking old friends for granted”
Bullshit on the “I’d take a bullet for you”
You say you worry about me,
But that’s just bullshit too.

“She needs a friend”? And I don’t?
Everyone I know is gone.
You were my one of my best friends
But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

You dropped me like a hot pan
As soon as there were others
Well, fuck you, Mr. I-have-no-time
I don’t need you either.

I’m stronger than I seem
I won’t break if I cry
I don’t need your misplace sympathy
Or the comfort of your lie

You weren’t there when I needed you
And you say you don’t need me at all
So why stay in this beatless tango
Of a friendship with no cause.

Because if you really gave a shit
You’d know I’d like to see it
I might not seem like the sentimental kind
But if you’d listened, you’d know better.

I refuse to let you bring me down
Or feel unloved-
Because I have me,
And that is more than enough.

Lost

I’m lost in the recesses of my mind,
Along empty roads with wordless signs.
An endless corridor with a door to my right;
Who’s key has been lost in the folds of time.

I’m falling through a darkness that never ends,
Down an abyss of solitude I created myself.
I try to hold on to memories and thoughts
That brush my fingers but stay out of grasp.

I’m traversing roads that are long forgotten,
Painting in hues that have faded to nothing,
Singing a tune in meaningless tongues
And standing in a silence that is anything but.

Yet I know nothing I say I do.
And mean nothing I claim to mean.
Because I’m just as lost as you are
In this sea of faceless have-beens.

So I contemplate and question,
All the shoddy uncertainty-
The right, the wrong, the black and white.
But what happens to the area in between-
that no matter what conveniently stays
Lost, confused and undoubtedly forgotten?

For a Little While

For a little while
Let me believe
That your arms are around me
Because you want them to be

For a little while
Let me hold onto this
To what I can’t have
and what I will not give

For a little while
Let it be so
That whatever I dream
Will come true

For a little while
Let me feel happy
Because once you’ve gone
It’ll be just me

So For a little while
Just a little while
Let me hold you
Let me tell myself
That this is true

Because I will be here
And you will have gone
Back to lover you left
At your door

You're here as my friend
And nothing more
As my confidant
And nothing more.

And While you chose to comfort
My broken little heart
You broke it a little more
With your careless kindness

And so for a little while
Just a little while
Let me hold on to you
Before you leave me here
In my lonely solitude.

Tell Me... (Painting Mumbai Red with Innocent Blood)

Silence gives way to the violent storm,
A premonition that its going to be worse than before,
Crimson stains the walls and the floor,
As people run for cover when the bombs begin to explode.

Tell me did you hear when I yelled?
Did you care when I bled?
Did you hear me pray to the same God?

Hatred fills the empty spaces
When we see them lying broken on the ground
With every bullet we drill the final nail
Into the coffin of love and peace, the things that started it all.

Tell me, did you see who I loved?
Did you love like I did?
Did you hear me cry for help?

Tell me did you care when you shot?
Did you have a purpose?
Or was it all for nothing?

You talk about peace and you talk about wrong
But all the while you hold that gun
You shoot the innocent
Pretending you're better than us.

Why?

I'm here now and this is me.

Broken, ridiculed and confused.
Alone, afraid, lost and abused.
I thought i didn't deserve happiness,
To feel free, loved, smile or enjoy
I was ready to give up and be done.

They broke me with their hurtful words.
Like broken-winged, helpless birds;
My reality and faith was blurred.
I didn't run away from the pain
And I couldn't forget even though I forgave.

I fought for me.
I fought to be.
I fought because I knew i'd regret otherwise-
Everything I was, everthing I had
And then I knew I couldn't give up.

To smile and know i'll be alright
Hold my head up with pride,
To be able to smile-
Despite the unbearable pain,
I grew up regardless of what they'd said.

I'm here now and this is me...

- Tanvi Damani
(March 26, 2007)