I miss you...

My Dadi (paternal grandma) passed away on June 9, 2009. It was sudden and unexpected even though she had been sick for a long long long time now. She was cremated on June 10, 2009. Yes, this is related to my last f-locked post. I am India for another 12-ish hours... This is more emotion and random thoughts than a poem...

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You always gave us happiness and so much love
But can I be selfish and not be strong this once?
Can be selfish, just this once more?
Can keep you with me and never let go?

Can I carry you with me though all of my life
Through all of my tears and all of my joy?
Because there are so many things I still have to say
And so many things you still have to see

So can I be your eyes
And your ears from now on,
Even though I know its Heaven
That you’re looking down on us from

Can I believe that it’s temporary,
This distance between us?
Can I believe it’s a vacation
That you’re not coming back from?
One that we’ll join you on someday;
That it’s just another stop in the soul’s journey.

How do I say goodbye
When I’m not ready to let you go?
When we’d spoken a few days ago
And I said I’d be seeing you soon?

How do I say goodbye
When I know you haven’t left?
Maybe in some ways,
But you’re with us in so many.

How do I say goodbye
When I’ve missed my chance?
One simple wish I couldn’t fulfill-
Just another time I took it for granted
And you still forgave.

I never said thank you for that,
And now I’ll never get the chance…

(June 11, 2009)